Friday, February 22, 2013

Two Hearts and a Queen

Justin and Amber have been good friends. Justin is not in a relationship at the moment but Amber has always been in a relationship with Peter and they were engaged about a year ago.

On Justin's part, he just wants the best for Amber because she's like a sister to him and he believes Peter is suitable for her although Amber and Peter have been friends before he – Justin, became close to Amber.

On Amber’s part, she also wants the best for Justin because he’s like a brother to her and she had even advised him about the ladies in his office that were his choices in times past. She gave him tips on knowing what a woman really wants and how to be more expressive as a friend to the ladies he wanted to have a relationship with.

Amber confided in Justin sometime ago that Peter isn't really her kind of guy and in fact she had told him on one occasion that they should part ways for a while. Justin encouraged her to work it out with him by letting her know that every man has potential. Justin said this sincerely thinking that perhaps it was just one of those turbulent times in their relationship. There is hardly anytime Justin doesn't ask after Peter when he gets to talk to Amber.

The other day, while Amber was with Peter, they called Justin just to thank him for being there for her because she had told Peter about all the times that he went out of his way to help her when she called for it. Peter lives in another city and this call was made when Amber went over to that city for a function being an itinerant consultant herself. Justin believed they were making plans for marriage already.

Recently, the thought of Amber wouldn't leave Justin. He had a feeling something was wrong. It was then that Justin noticed Amber was a little too quiet and reserved for comfort especially because she’s a vibrant and bubbly personality. So, in his usual friendly gesture to his pals, Justin asked Amber what the matter was. After a while she reluctantly told him she had broken up with Peter. This came as a rude shock to Justin and he tried to get answers from her but she seemed to be going through the motions and was unwilling to be too vocal about it.

You see, just last year, Justin had such an experience with a lady and his hurt drove him to struggle with praying, relating with people and to an extent, performing up to par at work. Now, he’s seeing his dear friend going through the same circle and he doesn’t know what to do about it.

Now, this would have been easier if Justin didn’t love Amber that much. She epitomizes everything he wants in a woman and in fact, in one of their BBM chats, Amber made fun of him saying “I can see that you love chubby and fair ladies...” given his choice of women in the past. They laughed this away but if only she had looked in the mirror that moment, she would have seen that she had unconsciously become his yardstick for women.

Justin had been searching for "the one” for quite some time and here’s his dear friend, Amber like the proverbial man in the pool of his own blood who was helped by the Samaritan. Justin is caught between decisions; he could be the Priest who passed by the other side or the Levite, who came and looked but also passed by the other side. However, Justin wants to be the Good Samaritan, not riding on a donkey but on a horse, not wearing a robe but clad in faded armour. His armour isn’t shining because he’s had his metal tested and his muscles trained.

His heart is racing. He doesn’t want to lose Amber and also doesn’t want to seem like an opportunist. He respects Peter and wouldn’t want to be the “frenemy” Peter never knew. He’s trying to motivate Amber to get back on track with Peter but perhaps she's determined to walk away from the dried brook. He feels guilty that he wants to have her so early after a breakup that he sincerely thought was going to end up in marriage. He wants to know what caused the breakup just to see if he’s qualified to be Amber’s “ideal man” whilst thinking to himself "will I also end up like Peter?" He nurses fears of being misunderstood by Amber if he makes his move on her now seeing that she may still nurse feelings for Peter although all he wants to do is take her to the clinic on his horse. Unlike the Good Samaritan however, he doesn’t plan to leave her there. He wants to hang around and be the first face she sees when she wakes up from this emotional queasiness. He wants to be the doctor at the clinic and the owner of the clinic which by the way, has no other patients because it isn’t a hospital but his home...

Now, if you’ve read this long, thank you so much but please I need one more favour; what would you want to say to Amber? Would it be the same thing you would tell her if you were in her shoes? Same goes for Justin? What would you say to him? Would it be different if you were in his shoes? Now, there’s also Peter. What would be your words to him? These people might just learn from your advice. Thanks for making them genuine and realistic.
Over to you...They’re listening.



  1. Justin should just say his mind. The worst he'll hear is a NO. It doesn't stick to one's body.
    As for the girl...hmmmm.....
    For Peter...he should take heart, someone better is waiting for him at the corner

    Temitayo I.

  2. I think Amber should take it easy. She will be fine. Relationships are permitted to break. Only marriage shouldn't. And since she's not really fulfilled in it, to me there is no point.
    Peter should just accept and understand that it is not all that seems good to us that's best for us.
    I know it is painful. He is feeling so bad and heartbroken but that's not the end of the world. He must trust God for comfort and let go too so that he can quickly have the best God has for him.

    - 'J. A.

  3. Now what would I say to these three individuals...

    To Amber I would tell her to take heart and wait on the Lord. It is painful but look on the bright side of life. I would tell her to give her emotions, thoughts and well being to the Lord. I would also advice her not to date for at least a year because she needs to find herself again. Time heals all wounds...

    To Justin I would advise him to hold his horse for a while. As much as he loves her God loves her more and can give the healing she needs. He can only be supportive in prayer. I would also tell him to give his emotions and desires to the Lord. If it is the Lord's will, He will write the Love story for him. God brought Eve to Adam. I am sure when the right time comes God will direct him.

    One thing I realize is, in times of fear and insecurities we jump the gun and mess things up instead of being patient. The story of Boaz and Ruth intrigues me a lot. Boaz was probably a middle aged man when he met Ruth. He had to wait that long and God had to bring Ruth to his field. The beauty of the story is God knows what we need and gives it to us at the right time.
    He make all things beautiful in his time.

    As for Peter I would tell him the same thing; trust the Lord with your heart and desires. The Lord knows where you hurt the most and only HE can heal that hurt. He also needs time to find himself again.

    Romans 5:4 tells us in suffering we develop endurance, in endurance we develop character and when our character is built we are able to hope aright.

    That's about it...

    - Simply O.

  4. Well, I'll tell Justin to wait for sometime but carefully keep an eye on Amber in case of another guy.

    She's hurting right now and therefore needs time to heal.

    I wouldn't know what to tell Peter cos no one knows what transpired between them both that caused the hurting. And he's not sent words.

    Then, ultimately, Justin should follow his heart!


    - Iya Ayo 1

  5. Thank God for a friend like Justin. I love his sincerity. He needs a little more time but should never leave Amber now. I am sure he must have been showing Amber some green light unconsciously even while they were friends. He can increase the attention and affection then in one of the days when Amber is in a good mood, he makes his intentions known. There is no crime in asking and really there is nothing new under the heavens. He will have more regrets to learn someday that Amber really liked him but they didn't end up together because he never asked. The only fear is the circumstances and there are no hurdles that can't be jumped. What is important is two people love each and they want to be together. Amber would be the one to relate the issue to Peter or any other person concerned to avoid enmity between the two friends...and they lived happily ever after. "Nothing is a barrier when love is strong enough"

  6. "Such 'as' life", as one of my friends would say!
    I have come to learn, however harshly, that procrastination is a thief of life & love. Also that hypocrisy is the eternal enemy of intimacy.Hypocrisy is the state of promoting or trying to enforce standards, attitudes, lifestyles virtues, beliefs, principles, etc., that one does not actually hold and may even regularly violate(Wikipedia).[This may sound a little harsh]
    The worst part is when we don't even know the difference between pretense to self & to others.
    my advice runs thus:

    To Amber: follow your heart & be decisive. Pray also that he whose responsibility it is to make the right move get the courage to do so in good time.

    To Peter: There's no forcing love. It is either there or not. if someone leaves your life, Let them go. there's no point holding on too tightly. However much god loves the world, those who will go to hell often go by choice.

    To Justin: the worst thing that can happen to a man is to live beside himself. The world was created by words. If you never express your true self, you will never be truly understood. It is your right to ask. Unless you love peter over Amber, & both of them over yourself. But the last time I checked,The bible says "Love your neighbour as yourself'.
    A word is enough for the wise.

  7. Justin: he sud always remEmber that Amber may just like him as a friend and nothing more. So before he makes that move, he sud be sure he won't spoil that friendship. Apart from that, nothing wrong in following his heart, after seeking guidance from God.

    Amber: its not always right to jump into another relationship to get over the last one. But atimes, the breakup opens ur eyes to d Gold beside u. She just pick up her life and move before. Learn from the past relationship and not be in a hurry to quit.

    Peter: awww. Search continues. Try to make it up with her if u really love her, but love can't be forced.


  8. With the understanding I have about God, the scriptures and choosing a life partner; I'll say the three of them should not have put themselves under any stress. If God designed marriage then people should seek him before taking any step.

    The three of them should go and concentrate on finding God's will and that's a personal thing, it's not what they should do as a group.

    Amber: it's difficult to be caught in between two people who were supposed to be brethren. She could marry any of them if God wills, however, the foundation is already somehow.

    Justin: should please stop playing and get serious, that includes that he separates himself from Amber, the more he lurks around her, the more it will be difficult and confusing for him to choose. The heart is often fond of the one who is close. He is not a counselor or pacifier, he should encourage her to relate more with other female friends and stop intruding into her thoughts and decisions.
    Time, space and prayer would tell if they are meant for each other.

    Peter: may be the most favored here, walk away, try not to nurse the hurt and seek the Lord for your own partner. Emotions may become mixed up if he married Amber because she and Justin could still have had something in the future.
    For some people, until they taste, see and get a scar, certain feelings/emotions don't leave them.


  9. Life really has a way of playing with our emotions doesn't it? I think Amber knows what she wants and only needs Justin to be a man and take the bull by the horn.
    Justin should not miss his mark because of some 'societal guilt', if his heart tells him to be the good 'Samaritan', what in the name of love is he still waiting for? Ladies need something to hold on to, Amber needs to know what Justin is up to and Justin needs to make a move else, he might as well be nuturing and comforting Amber for another Dude.
    As for Peter, well, I don't see a need to comment about him (and I'm not certain about the actual reason for breakup) what counts is what Amber wants, and in a society like ours, it is unladylike to pop the 'question'. You get my drift?

  10. Amber should just chill, relax and let go.
    She walked away from Peter cos she felt something was not right so I think something better is coming her way. She should not take Justin’s friendship for granted that’s if she's not already in love with him sha o.

    Justin should wait and give Amber time to heal. He should not be the rebound guy.
    If he is sure of his feelings, he should give her small time and make his feelings known to her. Giving her time doesn’t mean he should stay away o, he should still be the caring and faithful friend. With God on his side...

    For Peter no comment...