CHAPTER
THREE
TRAINING
UP YOUR CHILD
Training
is the foundation for a child's colourful destiny. The quality of training
determines the degree of triumph the child will enjoy in life.
Never
see your children as too little to be trained.
Children
respond to training right from when they are being weaned. For you to have
effective training, it must be done firstly scripturally. You cannot modernize
it.
The
formative years of a child are very crucial to his destiny and the future of
the society to which he belongs. If you fail to shape and mold them at home,
the world out there will not hesitate to ruin them for you.
What
a child does or says is most times the replay of what he has observed around
him. Give him right examples at home or lose him to the pressures of the world
around him.
A
child's conscience is a clean slate that accepts whatever is written or painted
on it, good or evil.
History
makes it absolutely clear that it is better to raise children than to repair
men. Failure at home results in trouble and vices in the society.
You
need to embrace your God-given responsibility as a parent or guardian and trust
God to do your own part in raising your children.
No
Ready-Made Child
Training
takes time and commitment, not done once and for all. Training requires a
gradual process of instructions, guidance and exercises. You must be ready to
give it all it takes.
As
you fulfill your own part, God crowns your effort by making your children a
pride to you and a blessing to the society, to His ultimate glory.
A
child not trained is a destiny lost. For a child to be traced tomorrow, he must
be trained today. Children that are not well raised end up being erased.
The
home remains the first place of instruction and child training. Children spend
more time at home, so it is important to use the home to lay a solid foundation
for their upbringing.
The
foundation of every man's training is the home. Great destinies are groomed and
rooted in homes; let your children enjoy such advantage.
John
Maxwell said that whenever he takes his children for outing; he normally asks
them two questions. He asks them about what they liked best and what they
learnt. That is an eye opener.
Training
Is Mandatory
Training
is mandatory and not subject to your convenience. You are ordained a
"Trainer" by God.
Whatever
will stand the test of time must follow due process.
A
child that receives academic training, but lacks home training will be
imbalanced and vice versa. Both levels of training are complementary to a
child's healthy development.
Home
training can only be gotten at home through conscious and deliberate program of
training and instructions.
Home
training is not assumed; neither can it be substituted with gifts and candies.
The
Holy Bible is the Manufacturer's Manual, its concepts and principles serve as
guidelines for safety and prosperity in our dealings here on earth. Modifying
and modernizing its injunctions will only lead to corruption and destruction.
Procedure
For Child Training
i.
Live An Exemplary Lifestyle: Children need practical and exemplary training.
They pay more attention to your lifestyle than the instructions you give to
them. (Titus 2:7-8)
Behave
before your children what you want them to become. Be their model.
Six
precepts to follow from 1st Timothy 4:12
a.
In Words: Your words are forcible, it is not something you toy with. When your
children ask you questions, don't shut them down. If you don't know the answers
tell them that you will get back to them. And don't fail to find the answer and
get back to them.
b.
In Conduct: Children pay more attention to what you do than what you say. They
are not only listening to your speech they are more than anything else also
watching your actions. A child without character has a worthless destiny.
c.
In Love: 1st Corinthians 13 gives all the description of love. Love your
children unconditionally.
d.
In Spirit: Be a Spirit-filled Christian; let your children know you as someone
who is led by the Spirit (Romans 8: 4-14). By this they can value, embrace and
imbibe spirituality from their childhood even as Christ did (Luke 2:40).
e.
In Faith: Impart faith in your children as you live by faith because without
faith it is impossible to please God (Hebrews 11:6). Let them know the place of
confidence in God and absolute dependence on His Word.
f.
In Purity: If you must see God you must make purity your choice (Matthew 5:48).
Be pure from inside out. Children are inspired by what they see, more than they are guided by what you say. Behave before your children what you want them to
become. Be their model!
ii.
Training Must Be Consistent And Insistent
When
you stop training, you start travailing. It is not want to spend your spare time
doing, it is what you invest in for a lifetime. Without consistency and
insistency there is no moral strength.
Motivation
is good but not where decisions that affect their destiny is concerned.
Negotiating with your children before they agree to follow you to church shows
you have lost your place as a parent and indirectly killed the trust and
respect they have for you. No compromise, no negotiation.
You
and your spouse must agree on what is right, speak with one voice and act by
the same rule towards your children. My husband and I agree on the standards
for children's conduct. When Daddy says "No" the children can't get a
"Yes" from me. We are consistent. We don't say "No" to a
thing today, and come with a "Yes" on the same thing the next day.
Don't
bend the rules and don't lower the standards. If you bend, you will blend with
them.
iii.
Training Must Be Careful And Purposeful
Be
a careful and purposeful trainer. Training must be done with all diligence.
When purpose is not known abuse is inevitable.
iv.
Don't Compromise Standards (proverbs 29:15)
Children
are to be commanded to do what is right, not what is convenient. Don't
compromise God's Word. You are a trainer and not an adviser or opinion-seeker.
Get your children to measure up to the standards of the Word and they will.
When
you follow God's command you become a commander.
v.
Give Them Your Time
Study
and understand their feelings, emotions, temperaments and so on. Every minute
that you spend with them is an investment and in the future you will get the
dividends.
You
need to plan your activities and make out time to stay with your children.
When
you don't engage your time with them wisely, satan will take advantage of it.
Every
parent, no matter how busy, should create time to be with their children. Don't
pursue the world at the expense of your own home.
Make
out time, and organize programs of instruction and training for your children.
vi.
Discipline Them
If
you must fulfill your responsibility as a parent you must stick to Biblical
principles of child discipline. The rules for Biblical discipline are
consistent and well spelt out.
Discipline
without love is oppressive; it produces fearful and hostile children.
Appropriate
discipline must be administered according to the child's behavior not
according to your mood or some other person's view. Children need to know that
every time they are disobedient, they will be punished.
When
unconditional love and consistent discipline are combined, they produce
children who are emotionally healthy and well adjusted. (Proverbs 13:24)
The
child you love, you discipline. Without chastening, love is not complete.
(Proverbs 19:18)
Grow
them. "No tree grows under another tree"... Let your children grow by
your supervision, don't make them dwarfs under you, without taking initiatives.
Always
demand apology at any misbehavior, don't pamper them, it may hamper their
destiny. If you pamper your children, your hamper their destiny (Proverbs
29:17)
Do
you discipline your children or you punish them?
Punishment
and Discipline
I
want you to understand that discipline as we are discussing here is different
from punishment.
While
you cannot instill discipline without punishment in some cases, it is possible
to punish a child without instilling discipline in the child.
Understand
discipline and how to do it right.
i.
Punishment is the act or method of causing to suffer for an offence. It is
deciding the consequences of a child not following rules. Make it known to your
children that they will suffer if they break rules and what they stand to gain
if they comply.
When
your children commit an offence let them know what they have done so they could
feel remorse for doing it.
ii.
Discipline here means the practice of training people to obey rules and orders
and punishing them if they do not (Oxford Dictionary)
The
child you don't discipline today will make you weep tomorrow. (Proverbs 29:15)
The
cry of a child is normal, but the tears of an adult is aberrant. It is better
to let your child suffer the constructive pain of correction today than for you
to go through the destructive pain of regrets tomorrow.
Foolishness
is bound in the heart of a child; it takes the rod of correction, not
necessarily a physical rod to drive it far from him.
Discipline
must be guided by unconditional love. You do it as an act of love for your
child. If your discipline is motivated by love, you'll be careful how you
administer the rod as well as where, when, why and in what manner and measure.
vii.
Give Instructions and Corrections
(Proverbs
13:1 Amplified, Proverbs 23:13)
It
is vital that your children learn early in life that there is a consequence for
their disobedience and a reward for their obedience.
The
construction of great destinies is by instructions. Teach your children to
value and take fast hold on instruction because that is where their future
lies.
Do
not leave your children without giving them instructions and corrections, and
ensure that they comply with your rules at every point.
Teach
them that instructions and corrections are not burdens but blessings. So, if
you don't like the way your children behave, change your attitude and approach
with them.
Be
Cautioned
Don't
always use cane on your children otherwise they will get used to it, and it
will therefore have no corrective effect on them any longer. Note that the rod
is likened to God's word, when it is spoken it has instant effect. Children are
not to be beaten in anger; it does not instill the desired correction. If you
are vehement with your child, the enemy will take advantage of you.
You
must be careful not to allow punishments result in child abuse. Anyone who does
not have control over his spirit is like a city without wall (Proverbs 25:28).
Let everything be done moderately. Note that the devil is seeking to destroy
the precious but he will not find you.
Tips
on Child Discipline
i.
Always deal with disobedience as quickly as possible. You and your spouse must
be involved in this.
ii.
Be in control. Use the right instrument with the right attitude
iii.
Don't abuse your child's self-esteem
iv.
Have rules, set limits and be consistent to enforce them
v.
Don't accept anything wrong as habitual with your child
vi.
Deal with your children knowing fully well that they are not insignificant;
they are precious gifts from the Lord.
vii.
Discipline all your children equally, don't have favorites.
viii.
Make sure your mode of discipline will make them have the opportunities which
will help them to get the most out of life
ix.
As you discipline, show unconditional love and encouragement.
Children
are treasures with some measures of dross. Our attempts to remove the "dross"
should be guided so that we don't damage or destroy the treasure while trying
to refine it.
Importance
Of Child Training
i.
Training Helps To Enlarge Their Scope
Training
is not with Bible stories studies alone. Children need to be exposed to the
world around them, the world outside the church. Take them to places that will
broaden their outlook in life. It helps to build their self-confidence. Let
them mix and relate freely with other children. This will also expose them to
social and moral challenges that will build up their character. However you
have to watch it so as not to allow any form of pollution in their lives.
ii.
It Is Fulfillment Of Your Covenant Obligation
It
is your covenant obligation to train up your children in the way of the Lord.
This in turn attracts God's attention to you (Genesis 18:19).
Covenant
is not what you claim but what you work out to fulfill an obligation. So be a
covenant player.
iii.
Training Produces Faithful Children
When
you follow Biblical principles to train up your children, the end result gives
you rest. (Titus 1:6)
The
true test of well-trained children is seen when they are out of the home. Just
watch how they behave outside and you will know if they understood what you
have taught them or not, then get back home to correct whatever fault you have
noticed.
Source: Biblical Principles Of Parenting (Chapter 3)
